Breaking News: Rep. Zoe Lofgren Calls on Obama Administration to Defer DOMA Deportations

Rodrigo & Edwin
celebrating their marriage

Full updated Advocate article here.

On Wednesday, Rep. Zoe Lofgren of California, ranking member of the House Judiciary Subcommittee on Immigration Policy and Enforcement, told The Advocate that she agrees with Nadler on deferring deportation proceedings in cases involving married, gay binational couples such as Echegoyen and Martinez: "I think [DOMA] is unconstitutional and that the federal government ought to respect couples who have married in states that permit marriage," she said.

Lofgren said she has friends and constituents in her San Jose, Calif. district facing immigration challenges as a result of DOMA. "It's a heartbreaking situation across the United States," she said. "This administration, as with any administration, has tremendous flexibility under current law to make its own judgment for fair treatment" of such couples.

Breaking News: Congressman Nadler Calls for Halt to DOMA Deportations

"An Evolving Immigration Landscape," The Advocate, March 2, 2011. Full article here.

Soloway has argued that executive branch agencies, including the Executive Office of Immigration Review and Immigration and Customs Enforcement, should “develop innovative strategies” to keep binational gay couples together pending Congressional resolution.

The administration has not yet formulated a policy on deportation cases involving married binational gay couples following the DOMA announcement last week. But Soloway pointed out that DHS in recent years has amply used its powers of discretion in other removal situations. In 2009 it issued a moratorium against deporting widows or widowers of U.S. citizens who had been married for less than two years while Congress worked on a legislative fix supported by the administration. Last year the department offered "deferred action" to allow students eligible for legal status under the DREAM Act to remain in the country and avoid deportation (Congress failed to pass the bill in December).

“What we’re talking about here is a small group who faces deportation—the ultimate punishment in an immigration context—and we’re talking about priorities,” Soloway said. “And every day the executive branch makes decisions on how to expend its resources.”

Rep. Jerrold Nadler of New York, who said last week that he would reintroduce a bill to repeal DOMA, said that while the administration has made clear that it would continue to enforce the law, “If it’s the case of a legally married couple under the laws of a state or the District of Columbia, the administration ought to argue in court not to deport them.”

Nadler is also sponsor of the Uniting American Families Act, legislation that would give gays and lesbians the right to sponsor a non-citizen partner or spouse for legal residency. “I’ve always said that UAFA is not a gay marriage bill,” Nadler said, “but I’ve also always said that if DOMA were ever repealed, and that if gay marriage were recognized, the bill would be [unnecessary]. … If DOMA is unconstitutional, then immigration law should apply equally to anyone legally married under state law.”

Just Married! Together for Eight Years, Edwin & Rodrigo Fight to Stop a March 9 Deportation

Edwin Echegoyen and Rodrigo Martinez

On Tuesday March 1 Edwin Echegoyen and Rodrigo Martinez of Rockville, Maryland exchanged vows of matrimony at the DC Superior Court on Indiana Avenue in Washington, D.C. Like most newlyweds, they had made the journey from courtship to cohabitation, with their love growing stronger year after year. After nearly eight years together as a couple, their lives fully integrated, and their commitment to each other stronger than ever, they decided to marry. Edwin, an American citizen, and Rodrigo, a citizen of El Salvador, were hoping to hold out until they could marry in their home state of Maryland. The news on that front had been very optimistic. Maryland is currently poised to pass a Marriage Equality bill that had sailed through that state's Senate by a comfortable margin on February 24.  Still, that bill may not become law for a few months and Edwin and Rodrigo could wait no longer. Last month they were informed by the Department of Homeland Security that Rodrigo would have to surrender for deportation on March 9. With deportation looming, they knew that this was their time.   They had to marry while they still had the chance.  On Wednesday February 23 their plans to marry received an endorsement of sorts. The White House announced that it would not longer defend a law that discriminated against same-sex marriages.  It seemed that everything was coming together. Edwin and Rodrigo called their friends and family and soon a pre-wedding celebration was planned. It took place last week, at a gathering where the couple was wined and dined and toasted.  Everyone wished them well for a future full of happiness, but Edwin and Rodrigo knew that the immediate future was going to be very challenging. Dark clouds had gathered on the horizon for this couple.  The deportation letter without warning, came after years of struggling to obtain legal status without success. Like other gay binational couples, the normal remedy—immigration in which the American sponsors the foreign spouse—was foreclosed to them because of the Defense of Marriage Act.

By Edwin Echegoyen

2003 was an eventful year for me. My mother was diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer, and I met the love of my life, Rodrigo Martinez. Back then I did not realize how these two events would come to impact my life, but even then I had a strong sense that that my life would not ever be the same.

Until I met Rodrigo, I guess you could say that I was unsuccessful at dating; I never met anyone with whom I clicked. Tried as I might to find a mate that special person eluded me. I believe this stemmed from my church upbringing because I grew up as a born-again evangelical Christian. When I was 15, I left El Salvador to join my father and stepmom in the United States. At that age I did not have a firm understanding of my sexual orientation, but I wrestled with the realization that I was attracted to other guys. It would prove to be a long journey.

With a career as a federal employee well underway, I had almost completed my Master Degree, when, in my final semester of school in 1999 I got engaged to a woman. In my mind it was the perfect timing: to finish my Master’s Degree, plan a wedding and start a family. That was what was expected of me by my family and I was eager and willing to fulfill my new roles as husband and father. And as you might expect, the pressure I put on myself to do everything expected of me brought the house of cards crashing down. I couldn't go through with it. I broke off my engagement because I realized and accepted that I was gay and I could not lie to her and live my life as a big charade. Needless to say it took me a while to bounce back.

A few years later, I met Rodrigo at the gym. Although he was 10 years my junior, he was mature beyond his years and had a caring, generous spirit.   As our dating grew more serious, it was an easy transition for me to think of him as my life partner. He was such a sensitive and thoughtful person and everyone who came into contact with him noticed these traits. As time passed, he came to know my mother and the rest of my family, and they, too, embraced him as an “adopted” relative. Our relationship developed very naturally, and before long, we started living together in the Rockville, Maryland, a suburb of Washington, DC.

Living with Rodrigo and settling down to a domestic routine was one of those things in life that is so easy to take for granted. I had never been happier. Our relationship blossomed with each year. We were mutually supportive and emotionally interdependent as a couple.

Over time we realized that we had developed a deep and abiding love for each other.  We were extraordinarily compatible. We shared the same humble origins in El Salvador; the same religious upbringing; the same language; and enjoyed the same food.  But our newfound happiness was interrupted by events in 2004. My mother, who had been struggling with her terminal diagnosis, took a dramatic turn for the worst and died in March.  My mother's death was devastating, but the pain of such a huge loss was made bearable only because I had the incredible support and unconditional love of Rodrigo. To this day I still cannot comprehend how Rodrigo, despite being young himself, was able to summon the strength to be so strong and caring at my moment of intense grief. Rodrigo saw me through my worst moments, and he never wavered in his commitment and compassion for me.

That summer we decided to go on vacation to Puerto Rico with three other gay couples. The eight of us traversed the beautiful island creating memories and enjoying ourselves. However, on our return to the United States, Rodrigo was stopped by the authorities. Even though we were technically on a domestic flight and he had not left the United States, they caught him. He was in the U.S. on an expired visa. (I had become a naturalized U.S. citizen many years before.)

Up to that point we really had not focused much on Rodrigo's immigration status. We had settled into our routine and we had not considered the possibility that immigration officers might one day come between us. Our relationship was strong but it was also so normal, we simply took for granted that we would be able to be together for the long term. When we did turn our attention to Rodrigo's immigration status we wrongly believed that it would be a relatively simple matter for him to acquire legal status.

At the moment Rodrigo was stopped by the Immigration Officer, I knew that if I could have married Rodrigo and sponsored him to remain in the United States he would have been eligible for a green card like any other spouse of a U.S. citizen. (Even individuals who overstay visas are not barred from a green card if they are married to an American citizen.)  In those days, gay couples were just for the first time winning the right to marry in Massachusetts.  In fact, if we had married in 2004, and if U.S. immigration law had recognized that marriage, Rodrigo would have been given a "green card" and he would be a naturalized American citizen by now.  Instead, we found ourselves scrambling to hold onto any ray of hope offered by a never-coming immigration reform, and ostracized by a society that does not allow us to share the protection enjoyed by straight couples.

When Rodrigo was detained in 2004, I posted bail to allow him to remain in the country until his legal status changed. However, despite several attempts to resolve his status, we were unsuccessful. Recently I recently received a letter in the mail from the Department Homeland Security ordering me to turn Rodrigo in to the authorities on March 9 so they could deport him. To us deportation is like a death sentence. It is hard to explain how we felt when we received the letter. It was as though we were punched in the gut and could not catch our breath.

As soon as received the letter we decided to marry.  Although we had been hoping to marry in Maryland where we live but we cannot wait. If Rodrigo is deported next week after 8 years together we may never get the chance to marry.  While the urgency of the current situation has pushed us to this decision, it was definitely true for us that this next move was the natural evolution of a strong, committed relationship. We came to this decision with the love and support of our friends and family and with the hope that the recent decision by President Obama and Attorney General Holder to stop defending the Defense of Marriage Act in court will yield some short-term solution for binational couples who are fighting deportation.

Attorney General Eric Holder

We know that the Defense of Marriage Act remains in effect, but we are just asking for more time.  After 8 years as a couple, we believe that we have the right to be treated equally. Our love is the same as any other couple. Our need for our family to be protected is the same as any other.  We are not asking for special privileges. We do not even want a fancy wedding. We just want to continue living our normal everyday life as a couple with all the rights, protections and obligations extended to two people in love who have committed through marriage to care for each other.

We ask everyone who is reading this to help us stop the deportation of RODRIGO MARTINEZ-RODRIGUEZ (File Number A96 336 082) by CALLING both the DC and local offices of our United States Senators Barbara Mikulski [(202) 224-4654 and (410) 962-4510] and Benjamin Cardin [(202) 224-4524 and (301) 762-2974] to our Representative Chris Von Hollen [(202) 225-5341 and (301) 424-3501]. Ask them to contact the Department of Homeland Security Deportation Unit in the Baltimore Field Office immediately. We only have 8 days left to stop this deportation.

Huffington Post: Obama's DOMA Turn Around Prompts New Strategy in Immigration Battle

From The Huffington Post:

Immigration advocates are seizing upon President Obama's decision not the defend the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act and his conclusion that all laws that discriminate based on sexual orientation should be presumed unconstitutional, opening up a new front in the twenty-year battle for immigration equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people.

In three cases involving married, same-sex, binational couples facing deportation proceedings in New York, New Jersey and California, attorney Lavi Soloway will argue that the proceedings should be halted because the only thing standing between each couple and a green card is the Defense Of Marriage Act, which he will argue should not be given effect in light of Wednesday's DOJ announcement. Says Soloway, "The issue is urgent as deportation carries with it a 10-year ban on returning."

Full article here.

Monica and Cristina Featured in New York Daily News: New Hope After Obama Abandons DOMA

See full story here: here.

PRESS RELEASE: Married Gay Couples Challenge DOMA in Immigration Court

Married Gay Couples Challenge DOMA in Immigration Courts Across the Country in a Concerted Effort to End Discrimination and Stop The Deportations of Spouses of Gay and Lesbian Americans

In New York, New Jersey and California three married, same-sex binational couples, two gay male couples and one lesbian couple, are facing Immigration Judges in deportation proceedings. Each will brandish a pending green card petition filed by the American spouse on behalf of the foreign spouse. In each case their lawyer, Lavi Soloway, will argue that deportation proceedings should be halted because the only thing standing between each couple and a green card is the Defense Of Marriage Act which the President and the Attorney General announced this week will no longer be defended in court based on their finding that the statute is unconstitutional.

Noemi Masliah & Lavi Soloway

Soloway, an immigration lawyer and long time gay rights activist, argues that the Department of Homeland Security should cease giving effect to this unconstitutional law and put all deportation proceedings on hold where they involve married gay binational couples, who but for DOMA, would be eligible for green cards on the basis of their marriages. The issue is urgent as deportation carries with it a 10-year ban on returning. This week's news from the Obama administration is a shot in the arm for a strategy that Soloway's law firm launched in October 2010 after a Federal Court judge in Boston struck down Section 3 of DOMA as unconstitutional. Participants in that strategy, the pro bono project known as STOP THE DEPORTATIONS THE DOMA PROJECT, include dozens of gay binational couples facing deportation, separation or exile. The law firm, Masliah & Soloway, whose partners are both gay immigrants who also founded Immigration Equality in 1993, created this pro bono project to raise awareness of the crisis of deportations of spouses of gay and lesbian Americans.

Contact: Lavi Soloway 212-227-9390 or 323-904-4730

stopthedeportations [at] gmail.com

Time is Running Out For 83 Year Old Veteran and His Canadian Husband in San Francisco

Another year of hope and anxiety, optimism and anguish passes by. We wonder: what will next year and the year after that bring? What obstacles will we face next, and how will we cope? Just as thousands of binational gay and lesbian couples in the US, my partner and I continue to await fundamental immigration rights that will permit me to remain permanently in the US, to enjoy our relationship free of any fear of being denied entry into the US, of being deported, and of facing a forced separation. Everyday, I worry and I’m scared. I want to add my voice to the effort this site aims to accomplish.

Our story is likely similar to many other binational same-sex couples featured on this site; I’m Canadian and my partner is American, and we’ve been inseparable since 1994. When we met, I had a busy and successful career in public administration, and he was recently retired from the airlines; it was love at first sight, to borrow the cliché. For the first few years of our relationship, we didn’t give much thought to our status as a binational couple; by combining his time in Canada with my visits to the US, we managed to remain together within the confines of the immigration laws, ultimately avoiding cross border issues, even though I faced the occasional scrutiny at the US border given the frequency of my trips. And as the scrutiny increased, we soon realized we had to find an alternative, be it his relocating to Canada, or my obtaining a US visa of some kind.

But as the need for a solution grew, my partner’s heath began to deteriorate, making travelling more difficult, ultimately requiring him to remain in the US on a permanent basis. As such, and in order to ensure I could be with him, I returned to college and registered for classes as a foreign student, at great cost I might add. When my visa expired following graduation, I registered full time for a two-year Master’s degree program, which concludes in 2011, and after which I hope to find practical training and/or find employment that will provide me with a work visa.

But time is running out: my partner is now 83. As a veteran with increasing health issues who served his country for seven years, I find it incredulous and frightening that current and discriminatory US immigration policies may forcibly separate us, partners of seventeen years. Why should he be required to choose between his country and his spouse? What happened to his most fundamental rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, rights that he defended patriotically so other Americans could enjoy them? Every day, I wonder what will happen after my visa expires, whether I’ll be permitted to remain in the US and care for my partner, particularly at a time when he needs it the most, or be forced to face the nightmare that so many have unjustly lived?

After seventeen years, the US is our home; this where we have our lives, our friends, our family, and our hearts. Like others on this site have expressed, it gulls me to hear my straight friends complain about how convoluted they find the process for sponsoring their foreign fiancés, some merely six months after meeting. In seventeen years, my partner and I have been apart rarely, a fact for which I am thankful. Our hope is that despite DOMA repudiating our marriage at all federal levels, we’ll continue to remain together no matter the continued and long wait for equal rights. Repeal DOMA and stop tearing apart families.

Judy & Karin: Binational Lesbian Couple Fighting Immigration Discrimination for 5 Years, Featured in "We Give A Damn" Campaign

Together for Nine Years and Married, Lisa and Diana Are Still Forced to Live an Ocean Apart

Lisa and Diana on their wedding day in October 2005

November 7, 2001 turned out to be a changing point in my life. I was home in England recovering from surgery and felt a little lonely and down. I had placed an ad online a short while before hoping that I would find someone to correspond with. Then on that day in November, I received an unexpected email from Diana in Salem, Massachustts. We started chatting via e-mail and we developed a connection, becoming fast friends within days.

After Christmas she wrote to me and said she would really like to meet me. Diana invited me to come to the United States and offered to host me for the visit. I must admit I was a bit scared of flying thousands of miles to stay with someone I had not yet even met.

So, after a few more weeks of writing to each other, we changed plans. Diana booked a flight to England to visit a city close to where I lived and I agreed to meet and be her ‘tour guide’.  Diana wisely suggested that I bring a friend and meet her in a public place so that it would be less intimidating.  And that is how, finally in Easter 2002 I met Diana in person for the first time. She met me as she embarked from the train where I waited with my friend by my side. I was still cautious about seeing someone I had only ever communicated with online.

Exchanging Vows

Admittedly, I was a bit shy that day. Still, I knew within an hour of meeting Diana face-to-face after all the months of chatting, that she was someone I wanted in my life, someone I could love. I spent the week showing her the sites. Diana met my parents and my pets and came to see me at a performance with my dancing school. After her week-long visit she had to leave. Parting was heartbreaking for me. I knew I wanted to be with her and we agreed that we were now together as a couple. I was so scared when she left. What if I never saw her again? Talking on the internet and phone after that was just not the same. After a few more weeks, I decided that I would come over to stay with her and I started to plan my visit.  It would be my very first trip to the U.S. and my first time on a plane. It would also be my first holiday without family or friends.  To say the least, I was nervous! I stayed with Diana for three weeks and we had a great time together. During my visit I purposely put off thinking about the day that would soon come when I would have to leave her. I knew how my heart would be ripped out the day I had to return to England. (Plus, I was petrified to fly again, so that didn't help at all!) And so it continued for us with more visits over the years, never able to find a way to live in the same country but becoming more and more attached to each other.

In October 2005 we were married in Massachusetts. Of couse, like so many thousands of other same-sex couples despite being legally married we are still not considered married by the federal government. Still, it was a most beautiful, memorable and incredible wedding. We were married at Hammond Castle in Gloucester, Massachusetts. My parents both flew in from England and were present for the ceremony and the celebration. Diana's Mom and her stepmother were there. Diana's Dad and her grandmother knew of our plans to marry and were excited and happy for us; sadly, both passed way months before the date of the wedding.  Of course, Diana was very upset that they couldn't be there because they were so excited to see their only child and only grandchild get married.  But we pressed on.  On the brighter side, we had around 100 people as guests. It was mostly Diana's friends and co-workers, but they all supported and loved what we had together. Everyone told us that they had a great time, but every single one of them expressed the fact that they hate what we are going through, the struggle just to be together. They are all good people and just want to see us together in peace like any other married couple.

We are aware that while our marriage is not recognized by US immigration law, it can still impact my access to visit Diana in the US, as an Immigration Officer may see me has having the intent to stay permanently. The irony is that with the struggle we have been through for nine years——living apart but sustaining our love and our relationship——the last thing we would ever want to do is break the law. And so I dutifully visit briefly, and leave my spouse behind each time.  It is impractical and cruel to require us to sustain our relationship forever on the basis of infrequent visits.  I’m lucky that I am from the UK and we have more rights and greater ease to visit the US than citizens of most non-Western European countries; and we are also more fortunate than most because Diana could apply to immigrate to the UK on the basis of our relationship.  However, this good fortune does not provide solutions for us.  In order to sponsor Diana to move to the UK and live with me, I would have to earn more money, have a house of my own and, ironically, that would mean for several years I would have to stop visiting her while I set up a home and saved money. In contrast, Diana has land in the US and a place to build us a home, something I cannot do for us in England. Financially and pragmatically, we would be able to establish out our permanent home life together with more stability in the US if we were only allowed to that opportunity. But the law keeps us, quite literally, up in the air, tossed back and forth between two countries, never being allowed to settle down and call either one of them home.

The Wedding Party

In June of 2009 my mum and I went to visit Diana in Massachusetts. The day after we arrived, before we had even unpacked, Diana got an urgent call at 6:00 a.m. from a hospital in New Jersey where her mom was being treated. The medical team said that Diana's mom was dying. She had surgery for a hysterectomy 22 days earlier and now they said she wasn't going to make it. Diana woke us up and got us in the car and we drove as fast as we could for the 325 miles to try to get there. The doctor called about every 30 minutes to say that they had to revive her repeatedly so that we could make it to her bedside before she passed. We got stuck in traffic in New York state, about a 90 minutes from the hospital. The doctor kept calling. Diana would have to make the decision at that time whether or not to remove her mother from life support.  It was extremely difficult because that her Mom was her last surviving relative. But Diana knew in her heart that she had to do it. We did finally get to the hospital, but it was too late to do anything. Mum and I stayed with Diana and helped her through all the arrangements, the wake the funeral and everything. It was a moment of crisis and deep sadness, but it demonstrated how close we were as a family, despite being kept 3,000 miles apart. We have support for each other in times of need, unconditionally. Sure, my Mum and I arrived with the intention to enjoy a vacation with Diana; but things turned out differently on that trip. Circumstances proved that how important it is to have your family's support in your hour of need. And yet, sadly I once again departed and left Diana behind.

It’s now 2011 and we are still not able to live together!  This is the tenth year since I first met Diana on line. Diana visits me in England once a year and I visit her once or twice a year in the U.S. Diana doesn't have any close relatives still living, so she comes to England to celebrate Christmas and New Year's with us as a family and we always have a great time. However, the years of this are taking its toll. Physically, financially, you name it. We are both now depressed and suffer from panic attacks. We are struggling to find the money for more flights and the cost associated with being away from home for weeks, sometimes a couple of months when we are lucky. Travelling is a nightmare; I hate flying and the US immigration officers seem to hate me.  Whenever I visit I seem to get such a hard time, I’m scared to tell them why I am really there. Diana seems to have it a bit easier visiting me, she doesn’t come as often or for as long so they don’t seem as suspicious.  Or maybe the British immigration officers are simply nicer. Who knows. We should not have to be dealing with this stress.

Visiting Washington, D.C.

We have gone through everything to try to see if I could live there. But I don’t meet the requirements for a work visa and don‘t have the money for other kinds of visa, like investing or going to college.

I can’t explain what it is like to have to leave or to see the person you love leave from the airport. It feels like someone is tearing out your heart or beating it up. Your heart simply aches. I feel like running away. I just want to run and run and never stop. I cry until I get a migraine. And I just want to say to everyone who passes ‘please, help, please make this stop’. It’s almost like the grief you fee when you’re told someone you love has passed away.

I am hoping to go to university soon, so I can eventually either get a job where it means I can sponsor Diana to live here or means that I can work in the US. But it scares me that if I go to the U.S. on a work visa and lose my job it means losing my status and being forced to leave. My status in the U.S. should be stable and permanent and based on my relationship not some employment visa. I hope and pray every day and every night that we will be together one day and build a home together.

Diana says often that she does not want to live her life without me anymore. She cannot wrap her head around the discrimination we face, despite being married. Diana and I see the Defense of Marriage Act as the ultimate obstacle to our happiness. We are married and immigration laws that protect families and keep married couples together should apply equally to us. How can it be right to keep spouses separated on two continents despite our 5-year marriage and our committed relationship of almost a decade? We have joined this fight against DOMA to help all binational couples like us who want nothing more than the right to live together in peace.

Philadelphia Gay News: A Valentine's Day Gift - Deportation Delayed for Brian & Anton

Brian and Anton are interviewed in this follow up article.

EDGE Philadelphia: Binational Couple Nearly Torn Apart on Valentine's Day

See full article here.

CNN Interview: Anton Tanumihardja & Brian Andersen Speak About Scheduled Deportation

This interview was recorded before Anton & Brian learned that the deportation had been stayed by Immigration and Customs Enforcement and reflects their anxiety on the eve of Valentine's Day.

CNN: Anton & Brian Win Stay of Deportation

Read the full story here.

Anton Reacts to Winning a Stay of Deportation

See the full story on Philadelphia's NPR affiliate WHYY here.

Doug & Alex Featured on Local CBS News: Married Gay Binational Couple Faces Deportation

Read more about Doug and Alex's fight against DOMA and deportation here.

QUEERTY Celebrates Anton's Good News

Full story here

DHS Issues Last-Minute Stay of Deportation - Brian & Anton Celebrate Valentine's Day Together

This afternoon, just three hours before Anton was scheduled to be on a plane to Indonesia, Immigration and Customs Enforcement issued a Stay of Deportation which will now remain in effect until the Board of Immigration Appeals rules on his pending Motion to Reopen.

See complete, updated story from MetroWeekly's Chris Geidner here.

See also, "With Deportation Set for Valentines Day, Brian & Anton Fight For A Future Together" and "Down to the Wire: Brian & Anton Fight Valentine's Day Deportation."

Earlier today this gay Philadelphia magazine featured Brian and Anton's story.

Freedom To Marry: Gay Binational Couple's Marriage Threatened by DOMA and Deportation

Complete article here.

Freedom to Marry is working to win the freedom to marry in more states, grow the national majority for marriage, and end federal marriage discrimination.

Down to the Wire: Brian & Anton Fight Valentine's Day Deportation

See the full story on Philadelphia's NPR affiliate website here. (Audio of the broadcast here.)
Screenshot of Philadelphia Gay News article published today. Full article here.

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY YOU CAN HELP STOP THE DEPORTATION OF ANTON TANUMIHARDJA

***Listen to today's report on Anton's case from NPR-affiliate WHYY.

At Home in Philadelphia: Brian and Anton Are Fighting For a Future Together

Friday February 11 is the last day that your phone calls can make a difference. The Department of Homeland Security has scheduled Anton's deportation to Indonesia for Valentine's Day. Please call DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano at (202) 282-8000 and Pennsylvania's U.S. Senator Robert Casey at (202) 224-6324. Urge them to call on the Philadelphia Office of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement to halt Anton's deportation so the Board of Immigration Appeals can re-open his asylum case. Stop Anton's deportation to dangerous conditions for gay men in Indonesia. Don't let discriminatory immigration laws and a heartless system tear apart a loving couple on Valentine's Day.

Stop the Valentine's Day Deportation of Anton Tanumihardja

Last week we posted the story of Brian and Anton who are fighting a Valentine's Day deportation in Philadelphia. With only a few days left, we are asking our readers to help us by writing and calling their Senator, Bob Casey (D-PA), urging him to fight for a halt to Anton's deportation to Indonesia. We are also asking readers to contact Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Department of Homeland Security to intervene in this matter.  Every call, letter and fax helps us raise awareness of Anton's case with those who have the power to stop this deportation while Anton's case is still pending before the Board of Immigration Appeals. See our letter to Senator Casey and Secretary Napolitano. For more information email us here.

Together For Six Years and Married, Alex & Doug Fight Deportation in California

Alex and Doug have been fighting deportation since Alex received a notice to appear in Immigration Court in 2009.  (See our October 24, 2010 post: "Gay California Couple Joins Challenge to Defense of Marriage Act, Fight Deportation.)  Alex and Doug are due back in Immigration Court in July where they will seek to stop the Department of Homeland Security from deporting Alex.

Read the complete Press-Enterprise story here: Gay illegal immigrants face legal, social challenges," and learn more about how you can help us stop this deportation.

With Deportation Set for Valentines Day, Brian & Anton Fight For A Future Together

In retrospect, Brian describes the summer of 2010 as "momentous" for him and his boyfriend, Anton. Little did they know when they met online that they would now be fighting just to be able to spend Valentine's Day together.  Brian, 28, is a graduate of the University of Pittsburgh and works as a Business Development Manager for a Philadelphia area car dealership. Anton, 45, holds degrees in accounting and marketing. He works at a nearby deli where he does some bookkeeping.

As Philadelphia turned sunny and hot, Brian and Anton began casually chatting online and via text message. Within a month they had met in person and started dating. They became inseparable. It was new love, and it was blossoming with excitement. Brian and Anton hit it off from the start; the more they knew about each other, the more they wanted to share.

Their romance was just getting started when they were hit with some bad news. As they were on their first date, Brian learned that his grandmother was losing her battle to breast cancer. Brian was preoccupied with his grandmother's situation. That day, as was his routine, he had visited her in the hospital before picking up Anton for dinner. Despite being preoccupied with his grandmother's health Brian had decided to keep his plans with Anton. Immediately both men were drawn into conversation. As Anton talked about being from Indonesia, Brian had an idea. He suggested they eat at the nearby Sky Café, a local Indonesian restaurant where Brian recently had dinner with friends. Brian was excited that he was able to introduce Anton to a new Indonesian restaurant.

An instant bond over food was formed and Sky Café became Brian and Anton's frequent hangout. While they were enjoying each other's company immensely, even their conversation centered around two "heavy" topics: Brian's grandmother's health and Anton's recent colonscopy. Looking back now, the couple laughs. Not typical romantic conversation! It didn't seem to matter what the topic was the entire night though, each talking while the other listened intently. Something felt different here, and they both knew it.

That first date went so well that they planned to meet the next day. However, on his way to pick up Anton, Brian received the call that his grandmother passed away. While their date was postponed, Brian could not stop thinking about Anton. After spending some time with his family, he made his way to Anton's almost instinctively. He wanted to spend time with Anton, though they had only known each other for a month. Anton's immediate reaction was to be there for Brian to console him and provide emotional support during a difficult time. Brian said it was as if his grandmother had sent Anton to watch over and care for him at a time when she knew she no longer could.

From that day forward, both felt that there was something special between them. Like any new relationship, it was not without its challenges. There was, of course, the language barrier since English is not Anton's first language and Brian doesn't speak Indonesian. There was also an age difference of 18 years. These challenges proved to be minor, however, in the face of the largest challenge yet: United States immigration law.  The devastating reality of discrimination become more apparent as their new relationship became more and more serious.


From the first week that Brian and Anton met, they spent as much time together as possible. Their friends and family took note of how this new relationship was flourishing. Quickly, Brian and Anton developed a routine: Mondays and Tuesdays they had dinner together. On Wednesdays, Anton joined Brian and his friends for their weekly night out. Since Anton didn't work on Fridays, Brian stayed at Anton's place for three day weekends arriving after work each Thursday. Brian and Anton spent last Thanksgiving with Brian’s mother in Albany, New York together with extended family members. The couple celebrated Christmas at Brian’s uncle’s home in the Philadelphia area. Each time Anton was welcomed with open arms by Brian’s family who could not have been more supportive.

In recent months, Brian and Anton turned their attention to moving in together and talked about eventually getting married. Reality set in quickly as they realized Anton's immigration status would be a huge obstacle. Anton was fighting to delay his deportation but he had no legal status that would allow him to stay in the US.  With deportation imminent, living together could only be temporary. While they wanted to marry in the future, they realized that even as his legal spouse, Brian couldn't keep Anton in the country because their marriage would not be recognized by the federal government.

Their world was about to collapse. Anton received word the he would have to leave the United States in February. Before long, the cruel reality made its way into every plan they had made for the future with the clock ticking on Anton's deportation. Brian was starting to realize that they would no longer be sharing nightly meals together or sharing the trivia of each other's day over dinner. They would no longer be seeing plays produced by the theater company for where Brian serves as a member of the Board of Directors. They would never get to see the films nominated for "Best Picture" and then watch the Oscars together. All the little things most couples take for granted quickly became recast as their last cherished moments together.

Anton has lived in the US since 2002. He explains proudly that in that time he has learned English, integrated into American culture, maintained gainful employment while paying taxes and has otherwise been a model law-abiding “citizen” despite lacking U.S. citizenship. Six months after his arrival in the US, Anton filed an asylum claim because of his fear of returning to Indonesia. His application and subsequent appeals for asylum based his sexual orientation, his religion (Catholic) and his ethnicity (Chinese descent) have been repeatedly denied. Unfortunately, in the early stages of his case Anton did not have a lawyer with experience preparing a gay Indonesian asylum case. He was denied at each stage of the process and eventually ran out of legal options.

After several extensions, Anton was recently informed that his deportation from the United States is scheduled for February 14, 2011. The deportation is scheduled even though he has yet to receive a response to a recently filed motion to reopen his case based on worsening conditions for gay men in Indonesia. It is heartbreaking, but as millions of couples exchange flowers and enjoy a romantic dinner on February 14, the U.S. government will be tearing Anton and Brian apart. Deportation will mean Anton will be likely unable to return to the US for at least 10 years, if ever. There will be no Happy Valentine's Day for Brian and Anton.

By February 14 Brian and Anton will only have been dating for 7 months. They describe what they are experiencing as "love, interrupted." This is how Brian puts it: "When you meet and fall in love with that one person who makes your life worth living, who makes you want to be a better person every day, then you will fight for that." Brian and Anton are certain of one thing: they want to be together. If they could do so, they would marry and Brian would petition for Anton.  If they could, they would seek re-opening of Anton's case and fight for his right to stay in this country on the basis of his relationship with Brian. Unfair immigration laws and the "Defense of Marriage Act" (DOMA) bar Brian and Anton from the avenues that exist to keep all other families together. As they discuss their plans for marriage (which state, when?) they are under enormous pressure. Anton faces the reality that he will probably be forcibly removed from the United States, unless the government agrees again to temporarily postpone his deportation. Brian cannot follow Anton to Indonesia for many reasons, not the least of which is the tremendous danger they would face there as a gay couple. With their back up against the wall, they have no options, just their love for each other.

Brian and Anton have turned to the U.S. Senator Bob Casey's staff for help. They are also starting a letter writing campaign to Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano asking her to postpone Anton's deportation indefinitely. Brian and Anton have joined the STOP THE DEPORTATIONS campaign, calling on the Obama administration to adopt a policy of halting deportations involving binational couples.

Help stop Anton’s deportation and keep this loving couple together by joining our letter writing campaign to Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano. For more information contact us at this email address and check out our Faceboook page here.

Congressman Mike Honda to Re-Introduce Gay and Lesbian Inclusive Immigration Reform Bill

"Fourth, the Reuniting Families Act, which I plan to reintroduce this Congress, would allow all Americans to be reunited with their families — including gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender “permanent partners.”"

Read Rep. Honda's full article "Immigration Reform Makes Cents," at Politico.com: here.

Jesse & Max Celebrate Their Tenth Anniversary

This month we proudly celebrate our tenth anniversary.

It's been an amazing decade, for which we thank all of our friends and family who have nourished our relationship through the years. That nourishment was essential, given the obstacles imposed by the United States government. We never had the luxury to ease into our relationship as we were forced to face stark realities very early on.

It’s ironic that on the one hand we feel stronger as a committed couple (and we love each other more than ever) but on the other hand the US government does not recognize our commitment. This leaves us in an unrecognizable “limbo” the all-too-familiar world of gay  and lesbian binational couples. To survive as a couple in this limbo is not an easy task.

Luckily, we currently live in London where we are recognized as a couple and do not face the same discrimination.  Over the last few weeks we have found ourselves looking back on all these years thinking about our love, commitment & perseverance. The issue of not being able to return to the United States is often the most difficult one.

On the day of our anniversary, we gave each other a long hug and acknowledged how far we have travelled (both literally and figuratively) and knowing there’s so much more to come … for which we are prepared.

Thank you to everyone for your continued support for this fight for justice.

Jesse & Max

We are proud to stand up and demand the dignity, respect and equality that is rightfully ours. This is the receipt for our pending Fiancé Visa Petition. We look at it as a historically significant document because it embodies our hope that the U.S. government will soon end the discrimination against same-sex binational couples. This petition is a tool with which we assert full equality.  We call on the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services to approve this petition and cease enforcing the inhumane and unconstitutional Defense of Marriage Act.

Learn more about Jesse & Max's journey through three countries in ten years as they continue to fight to return to the United States. Find out how you can become more involved by contacting us here.

A Sister's Plea: Let Jesse & Max Come Back

Perhaps we do not write enough about the love between siblings, but few relationships can be as precious since siblings are there from the beginning of time. Siblings mark a lifetime together that transcends the parental bond in a unique way. Tear away siblings from each other and gone are the shared memories of childhood. There is just no other way to say it: the bond that my brother and I share runs deep, as in core-of-the-earth deep. Today I am frustrated, angry, sad and motivated by discriminatory laws that have taken my brother from me and flung him across the world. So absurd is the situation that I often wonder to myself: how many American families wake up each day hoping and praying that the U.S. government will end the exile of their loved ones? What can I do to hasten the end of this diaspora?

I was born on a freezing winter afternoon in February, a day that also happened to be my brother Jesse's seventh birthday. Our birthday would be only the first of many things we would share in lifelong friendship. Jesse and I enjoy a unique closeness, a true affection for each other that is hard to describe in words. It's like Jesse is my 7-year twin with whom I share vital organs, bone marrow, even my soul. He is many things to me: yes, an older brother, but, because I admire him and respect him so much, he is also sometimes like a father to me. But most importantly, he is my best friend.

Jesse paid special attention to me as a child. He was always willing to engage, play, interact, and in this way he created a world for us. Together we put on magic shows and went on strike with picket signs to demand an increase in our allowance. Jesse eagerly shared his favorite music and his thoughts about his personal philosophy. As we grew up, our age difference began to dissolve and our friendship deepened. We have traveled all over the world together and some of the most significant experiences I have ever had were shared with Jesse.

In the year 2001 my brother met Maxi, the love of his life and his soul mate. Quickly, Maxi became an important member of our family. For me he became another brother and a dear friend. On the day I write this, Jesse and Maxi celebrate 10 years of love, commitment, adventure, and partnership.
The winter of 2001 I was a college freshman and Jesse was living and working in New York. I remember as though it were yesterday, the afternoon I received the phone call from him in my dorm room. The phone was in the hallway of my suite, I picked it up and it was an elated Jesse on the other line. His voice was filled with energy and excitement as he explained to me that he had met Maxi. “He is the one!” he exclaimed. “I am in love!” He began to pour out all of his raw emotions to me on the phone and I knew automatically that he had met his love, just like that, overnight. And that was the beginning of a long and incredible journey that would not only enrich the life of my brother but of our entire family.

I watched as Jesse and Maxi coped with the long distance and the separation. Jesse visited Maxi in Argentina as much as possible. As quickly as possible, Maxi found a job in New York and returned on a work visa. They thrived together. After 5 years, with Maxi's visa running out and no way to stay together in the U.S., they were forced to seek shelter across the ocean. This was devastating for our family. We could not believe our own Jesse and Max would be banished from the U.S. and torn from our close family to a remote country.

Having Jesse and Maxi living in NY was something that I naturally took for granted during those 5 years. It wasn’t until they lived so far away, with no sign of coming back home, that I began to realize what it meant. In the beginning I tried to be optimistic, taking their lead, I tried to look at it as an adventure, but in my heart I had an aching feeling: adventures should be born from choice. They were not free to choose this adventure, instead this new chapter was imposed upon them. This great country of ours which offers so much falls extremely short when it comes to protecting its lesbian and gay citizens. This is never more obvious than for binational couples.

I miss the 5 years we had together in NY with a profound intensity. Sharing a love for live music, Jesse and I spent many weekends together going to concerts, discovering New York and going to social events and parties. We celebrated New Year's Eve together religiously, and of course, we were always together on our birthday. This year again, we will be apart in February and no email or phone call can make up for that loss. Almost three years have passed since I have had Jesse and Max in my life in an everyday way. For a time I moved to Budapest and we re-connected, but of course that could only be a temporary salve. They eventually found a new home in London, where the British government recognized their relationship.

As many families learn, the plight of same-sex binational couples is devastating on not only the couple but all those who love and care for them. We have been robbed of the privilege to experiencing each other in the regular way. I cannot hop on a bus or train and see my brother. I cannot call him on a whim, due to the time difference. I go out in the city, wander and explore, see art, and feel the deep absence of my brother and comrade. Daily events are lost to each other, they cannot longer be shared in real time, experiences start to slip through the cracks, and life inevitably moves on. When we do get to meet on holidays, we are brought together for a joyous week or two but it is just not the same. Sad to say, but those reunions contain a hollowness. There is a gentle scramble which reflects the dire need to make up for time lost. Our lifetime of shared experiences is fractured year after year because of discrimination built into the laws of this country. There can be no reason for our own country to be tearing apart our family.

I want my brother to have the choice to come home with Maxi. These laws are inhumane. I am thankful every day that Jesse and Maxi have found a way to be together when so many binational gay couples have been torn apart for good. But the price has not been small. In order for Jesse and Maxi to stay together they are banished into exile. They are not free to come home and be with their family. Jesse should be able to sponsor Maxi for a visa so that they can come back to the U.S. and marry and so that Maxi can be given a green card based on their marriage. There is only one reason that is not happening right now: the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). We must end discrimination by the federal government against gay and lesbian couples.

Until DOMA is repealed, my family will continue to suffer. My parents save their hard earned dollars to make the expensive journey to Europe once a year to see Jesse and Maxi, while we otherwise satisfy ourselves on their ability to make infrequent visits here. This injustice must end. I join other family members of binational couples who fight against this discrimination. I encourage others reading this to help join us in our effort to bring our loved ones home.

See also: Forced Into Exile, Jesse & Max Fight To Return: File Fiancé Visa Petition and Challenge DOMA, November 15, 2010
Another Thanksgiving Without Jesse & Max A Mother Speaks Out Against DOMA, November 21, 2010.

Josh & Henry Reach 10,000 Supporters As They Continue The Fight To Save Their Marriage

Learn more about Josh & Henry's struggle to stay together in this country by visiting their Facebook page. Help them by signing this petition calling on DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano to halt the deportations of spouses of gay and lesbian Americans.

DEPORTED: Forced into Exile, Tom & Emilio Fight to Return But DOMA Stands in Their Way

Tom and Emilio met in 2001 in New York City. A year earlier, like so many other gay men from his country, Emilio had left Venezuela in search of a better life in the U.S.  As Tom and Emilio fell in love and set out to plan a future together as a couple, they abruptly ran into the cold, hard brick wall reality of anti-gay discrimination in U.S. immigration law. For nine long years they have been deprived of a basic right that most families take for granted. Tom and Emilio have been denied the right to live together in this country. They have been denied the opportunity to build a life together with the support of Tom's supportive and loving extended family in New Jersey. Although Tom is an American citizen, he and his husband, Emilio, have been forced to start a new life in Canada far from Tom's family in New Jersey.  And because of Emilio was deprived of the usual path to lawful status, sponsorship by his American spouse, he was deported from the United States. That deportation means that Tom and Emilio cannot return for at least 10 years.

Tom writes:

On our first date at the VIP Diner in Jersey City, Emilio explained at some length the process of employment-based sponsorship. He explained to me that he was trying to obtain permanent resident status (a "green card").  The complexities of the laws were new to me. As an American I had no idea how difficult immigration was.  As Emilio described the challenges he faced because of American immigration laws I could not have possibly imagined that I would be embarking on the bitter realization of my own second-class citizenship. In the not too distant future, my country's government would spend a great deal of time, money and energy trying to rip my family apart.

After Emilio lost his work sponsorship we looked into other options. It was then that I learned that from the perspective of the American government, Emilio and I were effectively two strangers under the law. Even though over the years we owned a home together, shared our income and expenses and showed our commitment by entering into a New Jersey Domestic Partnership and a Civil Union, none of that mattered. During the six years of endless hearings with the Immigration Service and the Immigration Court in Newark, New Jersey I was never given the opportunity to do what every other American citizen can do quite simply for his or her non-citizen spouse: I was never able to sponsor Emilio for a green card. Only because we were a gay couple was our committed relationship denied recognition.  The frustration we felt at this time was overwhelming.

Ironically, Newark is the city where my parents were born and where their immigrant ancestors came to start a new life in the 1800s. Now, generations later, in that same city, Emilio and I fought in vain to keep our family together.  Emilio decided to apply for asylum because of his fear of persecution as a gay man from Venezuela.  I was not even allowed in the room when Emilio testified in his asylum hearings. The government prosecutor's position was that I was of no relation to Emilio and therefore both my presence and my proposed my testimony were irrelevant to the case.  The cruelty seemed gratuitous at times.  The stress and aggravation was driving us both crazy; it’s hard to live a normal life when every official letter in the mailbox or unexpected knock on the door arouses the fear that my own government is going to take my life partner and soul mate away from me.  Even today, years later, I still feel residual anxiety when I receive a notice for a certified letter. The impact of those days have not yet receded. To add insult to the injury we were paying for this mental torture with our taxes and paying for our defense with paycheck after paycheck.


After years of hearings we finally had reason to celebrate. We were joyful when the immigration judge ruled in our favor and granted Emilio asylum.   This meant that Emilio could stay in the United States indefinitely and in a year he would be able to apply for a green card.  In a cruel twist of fate, however, it turned out that our joy was premature. The government prosecutor appealed the Immigration Judge's decision. With our energy and finances drained, we could not fight any longer.  For years we had hoped to be able to live a normal life together in the United States but the mental anguish and practical considerations of years of legal battles compelled us to abandon hope.  We quite simply could not take it any more.  We decided to abandon the case and applied for residency in Canada. The way I saw it, I was choosing my spouse over my country. I hated this choice, but I was forced to make it.  Anyone reading this who has ever done it will know that moving to another country is not an easy task. We had to leave everything familiar to us: our family, friends, neighbors, and especially our beloved home that we had so proudly worked on together every weekend.  All, gone.

We have tried to remain optimistic. We started a new wonderful life together in Canada. We are fortunate to live in such a progressive city. We love living in Toronto and shortly after arriving here we got married at the top of the CN Tower. The symbol of our new home high in the sky. We are proudly and happily married and yet our marriage certificate does not allow me to sponsor Emilio.

You would think once we moved to Canada in December 2007 that all our problem with the United States government would be over. But that would not be the case.  U.S. law poured salt into our wounds by banning Emilio from re-entering the US for ten years, on the grounds that his departure in the midst of the government's appeal counted as a self-deportation.   The idea that we have been forced out for at least ten years or possibly forever, sickens me. This was never more true than a few weeks ago when we watched as the Ugandan legislator, David Bahati, obtained a visitor's visa to visit the US in December. Bahati is the  author and proponent of the infamous bill in the Ugandan Parliament that calls for gay people to face life imprisonment or, even, execution if they are convicted of having practiced homosexuality.  And our government gave Mr. Bahati a visitor visa, despite protests to Secretary of State Clinton to deny his application because of his advocacy of anti-gay hate and capital punishment for gays and lesbians. And at the same time, my darling spouse, Emilio, who has the kindest heart of any person that I know, is unable to obtain that same visitor’s visa.  We are unable to return to New Jersey for Christmas or Thanksgiving. We cannot visit my siblings or parents. It is all off-limits to us.  I have more rights as a permanent resident in Canada than I ever had as a United States citizen.

As we enter the new year, Emilio and I are now completing our applications for Canadian citizenship. This in a way caps our nearly decade long quest for equality. As Canadians we will not suffer the legal discrimination by the federal government that all gay Americans are forced to endure. I hope one day that we will return to the United States, equal under the law.

Recently we joined the effort to Stop The Deportations of gay and lesbian spouses of American citizens. With the guidance of my attorney, I filed a Petition for Alien Relative for Emilio. We intend to advocate for the approval of that petition by reaching out to our elected officials in New Jersey.  We understand that the federal government takes the position that it cannot recognize our legal, valid marriage. However, there is a higher principle of fairness and justice that will eventually bring a new reality to bear. The Defense of Marriage Act which dictates that the U.S. government cannot recognize the marriages of gay and lesbian couples, must be fought resolutely and aggressively and it must be defeated. To be sure that no other couple ever goes through the hell we experienced, to be sure that no more families are torn apart, and to be sure that all Americans are treated equally regardless of their sexual orientation, we must engage in this struggle.

As we begin a new year living in forced exile simply because we are gay, we continue to fight so that we can return to our life in the United States.  We urge those reading our story to learn how you can get involved to support this effort.